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Wednesday, April 16,2008
This Getaway Plan Works Better in July: James Jett, 33, was arrested in Blount County, Tenn., in February after attempting to evade police by jumping into the Little River and submerging all but his face. However, the high temperature that day was only 36 degrees Fahrenheit, and by the time he was discovered, he was suffering from hypothermia.
Recurring Themes
More People Having Sex with Inanimate Objects: (1) Art Price Jr., 40, was charged with public indecency for several instances of walking naked into his back yard and, according to videos made by neighbors, simulating intercourse with a picnic table (Bellevue, Ohio, March). (2) A 36-year-old man faced several charges after allegedly masturbating on a woman’s bicycle seat. He explained that he felt “an overwhelming calm” when he smelled the handlebars of a woman’s bike (Ostersund, Sweden; February). (3) A security guard caught a building contractor simulating sex with a canister vacuum cleaner. The contractor claimed that he was merely vacuuming his underpants, which he said was a “common practice” in his native Poland (London; March).
People continue to purposely maim themselves in various schemes. Daniel Kuch allegedly had a friend shoot him in the shoulder so that he could avoid taking a drug test at work (Pasco, Wash., February). And Elizabeth Hingston, 24, let her boyfriend break her leg by jumping on it so that the pair could claim insurance proceeds worth the equivalent of $200,000 (Plymouth, England, November). And Zachary Booso, 19, shot himself in the cheek, shoulder and thigh so that he could brag to his friends and ex-girlfriend that he was involved with gangs (Brownsburg, Ind., March).
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Play Ball!
James McDonough took over the Florida
Department of Corrections in 2006 because of rampant mismanagement.
Former officials admitted to contract kickbacks and frequent
taxpayer-funded “orgies” (ultimately, 40 officials were charged with
crimes, 90 were fired and 280 were demoted). In February, McDonough
said that many of the problems stemmed from inter-department softball.
“I cannot explain how big an obsession softball had become,” McDonough
said. “People were promoted on the spot after a softball game…to high
positions in the department because they were able to hit a softball
out of the park … The connection between softball and the parties and
the corruption…was greatly intertwined.”
Inexplicable
Making artistic, themed scrapbooks is a $2.6 billion industry in the United States
(nearly one-fifth as large as the adult-video market). The scrapbook
industry even has a “Hall of Fame” that is as protective of its morals
as baseball’s, which has shunned gamblers and steroid-users. According
to a January Los Angeles Times report, one “superstar”
scrapbooker, Kristina Contes, was recently kicked out of the Hall of
Fame for violating etiquette by displaying another person’s photographs
inside her scrapbook in a competition. Contes said the oversight was
inadvertent, but that she is now shunned within the community for her
grave offense and called “label-whore.”
Brian Feldman, a public
artist in Orlando, Fla., celebrated Feb. 29 (Leap Day) by devoting
himself to “leaping,” according to a report on WOFL-TV. For the entire
24 hours, beginning at midnight, Feldman leaped off a 12-foot-high
platform every three minutes and 56 seconds (a total of 366 times). “I
thought it would be a good idea to get people to think how they spend
their day,” Feldman said.
Accidents Will Happen
(1)
Ernest Simmons was convicted of attempted murder of two sheriff’s
deputies despite his defense that he only “accidentally” shot at
them—11 times, using two guns (Orlando, Fla., January).
(2)
Accused purse-snatcher Derrick Dale, 21, said that the purse in
question fell on his foot and, according to the arrest report, “the
next thing he knew, (it) was in his hands” (Destin, Fla., January).
This Getaway Plan Works Better in July: James Jett, 33, was arrested in Blount County, Tenn., in February after attempting to evade police by jumping into the Little River and submerging all but his face. However, the high temperature that day was only 36 degrees Fahrenheit, and by the time he was discovered, he was suffering from hypothermia.
Recurring Themes
More People Having Sex with Inanimate Objects: (1) Art Price Jr., 40, was charged with public indecency for several instances of walking naked into his back yard and, according to videos made by neighbors, simulating intercourse with a picnic table (Bellevue, Ohio, March). (2) A 36-year-old man faced several charges after allegedly masturbating on a woman’s bicycle seat. He explained that he felt “an overwhelming calm” when he smelled the handlebars of a woman’s bike (Ostersund, Sweden; February). (3) A security guard caught a building contractor simulating sex with a canister vacuum cleaner. The contractor claimed that he was merely vacuuming his underpants, which he said was a “common practice” in his native Poland (London; March).
People continue to purposely maim themselves in various schemes. Daniel Kuch allegedly had a friend shoot him in the shoulder so that he could avoid taking a drug test at work (Pasco, Wash., February). And Elizabeth Hingston, 24, let her boyfriend break her leg by jumping on it so that the pair could claim insurance proceeds worth the equivalent of $200,000 (Plymouth, England, November). And Zachary Booso, 19, shot himself in the cheek, shoulder and thigh so that he could brag to his friends and ex-girlfriend that he was involved with gangs (Brownsburg, Ind., March).
Undignified Deaths
A
39-year-old man who had been cited 32 times for driving without a seat
belt (and who rigged a fake belt in his car to create the illusion that
he was belted in) was killed in a low-impact car crash that likely
would not have been fatal to a belted driver (Wellington, New Zealand;
coroner’s inquest, February). And a 74year-old man died of hypothermia
after sneaking out of a nursing home late at night to smoke (Winnipeg,
Manitoba; January). And several vehicles fatally struck a man and a
woman on the Trans- Canada Highway after they got out of a cab and fought in the middle of the road (Chilliwack, British Columbia; February).
© 2008 Chuck Shepherd
Also in Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird:
Elections 2008
Obama seeks greater rein on financial institutions
(AP)
AP - President Barack Obama says he wants Congress to pass legislation giving the government greater regulatory authority over financial institutions like American International Group.
Sources: Pentagon to stop forced tour extension
(AP)
AP - The Army will substantially reduce use of the unpopular practice of holding troops beyond their enlistment dates and will pay $500 to those still forced to stay in the service, defense and congressional officials said Wednesday.
AIG head shares US anger of bonuses but backs them
(AP)
AP - The chief executive officer of failed insurance conglomerate AIG acknowledged Wednesday that the company's multimillion-dollar bonuses were "distasteful" to many and had provoked a firestorm of wrath. "I share that anger," Edward Liddy, chairman and CEO of the American International Group Inc., said in testimony prepared for Congress.
Analysis: White House, Dems backpedaling on AIG
(AP)
AP - For the first time since last fall's election, Democrats and the Obama administration are backpedaling furiously on an issue easily understood by financially strapped taxpayers: $165 million in bonuses paid out at bailed-out AIG.
Pence: Return AIG donations
(Politico)
Politico - House Republican Conference Chairman Mike Pence is urging politicians from both parties to strongly consider returning campaign contributions from AIG.
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Top Stories
AIG head shares US anger of bonuses but backs them
(AP)
AP - The chief executive officer of failed insurance conglomerate AIG acknowledged Wednesday that the company's multimillion-dollar bonuses were "distasteful" to many and had provoked a firestorm of wrath. "I share that anger," Edward Liddy, chairman and CEO of the American International Group Inc., said in testimony prepared for Congress.
Obama seeks greater rein on financial institutions
(AP)
AP - President Barack Obama says he wants Congress to pass legislation giving the government greater regulatory authority over financial institutions like American International Group.
Consumer prices rise by largest amount in 7 months
(AP)
AP - Consumer prices rose in February by the largest amount in seven months as gasoline prices surged again and clothing costs jumped the most in nearly two decades.
Crude
